Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Another Post About My Boobs

Because it's a little depressing that we're still here waiting, I'll share another story about my pregnant boobs. So far they've been a great source of entertainment for others throughout the pregnancy (hopefully, they're as good of a source of food for the baby!).

At last week's appointment I saw my midwife's partner. They trade off a visit near the end of term for each patient, just in case you end up being delivered by the other. This midwife was very nice, very focused on educating her patients, and very very midwify. I've heard that she's an excellent breastfeeding educator so I asked a few questions to take advantage of her knowledge. The rest of the visit then went like this:

Her: "Well, how are your nipples?"

Me: "Uh, fine, thank you."

Her: "Do they work?"

Me: "Uh, yes...?"

Her: "Have you tried expressing breastmilk?"

Me: Look of horror and shock

Her: "Want me to try?"

Me: Much bigger look of horror. "Uh, no, that's ok."

Her: "C'mon..."

Me: "No!"

Her: "Well, at least let me see them."

Me: "uhhhhhhh. What?"

Her: "Lemme see." Reaching for my boobs.

Me: Look of terror. Glance helplessly at Husband, who is snickering loudly in the corner. 

Me: "What do you want to do? What are you wanting me to do?" Protecting my boobs with my hand. 

Me: "No, it's ok. Really. I'm good."

Her: Moving my hand aside and uncovering a boob. Then, poking, prodding and moving around my nipple. For why, I have no idea!

Her: "Ok, well you look like you'll be fine."

Me: "Uhhhhhhh."

Husband, later, after she left the room: "Wow. You really didn't want to show that woman your boob!"


  1. Oh. my. gawd. SERIOUSLY? This baby better come soon to give everyone something else to focus on. (For the record, I liked your "enormous breasts" way before you got knocked up. hee hee.)Great dialogue though!!

  2. Oh my! That is a wonderful story. Is this preparation for how much publicity your boobs could get with breastfeeding?

  3. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ..... holy cow, that's a terrifying story.

  4. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! That...is amazing.

  5. (p.s. I'm sorry I've been awol for, like, ever. I am really glad that you are doing well and will be a mama really soon.)